The meaning of life is to find meaning in life...

This needs to be said, and I have nowhere to say it other than here.

I've changed. I still have feelings for Giulia, always will, but I'm actually happy for her, genuinely supportive of her relationship, and that's because of something she said the other day.

She said that she was trying to be supportive of other girls in my life, like Katie (which isn't a relationship, but a story for another time anyway...) because they stand more chance then she does.

That got me thinking, the girl still has feelings for me, but right now the distance and our lives make it impossible for us to have any kind of relationship other than friendship. If we end up together it will be a loooooong time in the future, on firmer foundations, and if we never do then it simply wasn't meant to be.

And if she can be so supportive and encouraging despite still wanting me a little, then I can at least have the courtesy to do the same. So I am. I wish them both the best of luck, and he makes her happy so he's not the evil backstabbing thieving bastard I've been calling him all this time :p

So it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from him...

Sam Fisher - better than Bond

What to talk about.... Politics? That would just wind me up. Counselling? Haven't been yet. Giulia? Been there, done that, annoyed people who actually read this :p

So how about Splinter Cell? It is amazing. The problem is that my wonderful xbox decided the data was corrupt when I was most of the way through the storyline, so I have had to restart the whole thing. Not happy. On the positive side, I still have all my weapons and upgrades, and the skills, which were already enhanced due to playing all the previous games, have now got even better.

If it happens again, I'm gunna kill somebody. But I need to cut this short, the dog has just moved off my legs so I can go eat. Byee.

A guide to parenting... from a single guy who doesn't want kids for another 5-10 years :p

Okay, so had a word with Tony and with mam... told her that she can't control every aspect of our lives and she has to let go at some point.

I don't think she's going to take it well, but I'm sick of the woman trying to prevent us making her mistakes. It's natural to want to protect us from pain, but I have felt pain, lot of it recently, and I honestly believe it has made me a stronger and better person. I don't think anybody should be denied that right.

We're going to make our own mistakes, and we'll learn from them, and we'll try to prevent our kids from making those same mistakes. But at the end of the day, they'll be just as likely to make those mistakes and learn from them. We're stronger than our parents think, and they're afraid of that because it makes them feel we no longer need them. Maybe there will be a day when we don't need them, but if they've raised us right there won't be a day when we don't want them.

Follow your instincts, you do know what is best for yourself, and maybe you do know what's best for your children, but that doesn't mean they're going to listen. And when they don't, be there for them, help them recover for the next big mistake, and that way they will likely always come back to you.

Just a thought.

WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MEN...

What to talk about.... well, there's not a lot really. Life is continuing, as it always has, and I'm just along for the ride right now.

It's fun to see it from an outside perspective, even when it's my own life. Everything seems to be falling into place and I'm actually happy. I haven't even seen the counsellor yet, so that's something to look forward to. don't worry, I'll tell you all about it when it happens, unlike Iron Man which I cba to review, it was amazing, go see it, I'm not about to put all my hard work and attention into something that only a few people will read and that will be relevant to only 2 of them tops. If I wanted to do that I'd write for the Sun.

Still, I would like to take this time to find out who actually reads this. So here goes. For the next week I'll give you each ... 3 questions to ask, which I must answer and do so truthfully. Should be interesting, open book that I am, if you don't ask I never tell.

C'mon then, try me, but don't say I didn't warn you, a lot of you won't like the answers :p

Sorry for the mushy emotional crap.

Just in case I haven't told anybody why I'm dead inside, here it is.

I fell in love, didn't mean to, we spoke for over a year before we realised it was more than just friendship, we dated and she slowly broke down my barriers and yet some of hers still remained in place. She didn't open up, she was too afraid of being hurt, and so she never really invested in us, never gave us a chance.

We realised this after we had broken up, and because she hadn't tried she had no feelings for me when it ended, allowing her to move on and date another guy almost instantly. Once we figured out why we broke up, she learned from her mistakes and is opening up with him, so is falling for him. That hurts.

And now, in an attempt to do what's best for me, she hasn't spoken to me in about a week. She says she will after I've seen a counsellor, but I'm not sure I even want that. If she does come back odds are she won't trust me to talk about her boyfriend or her relationship, and the other big problems that have come up she'll either have dealt with or talked to him in length about so she won't want to repeat it to me. Which means our friendship will consist of smalltalk.

I hate smalltalk. I hate fake people too. I'm honest, genuine and I don't hide things just because it's a little awkward and inconvenient. And to me, smalltalk is an introduction to falsehood.

- Hi

- Hi

- How are you?

- Good, thanks, you? (I'm not good, but I'm not going to tell you that.)

- I'm okay, thanks. What you been up to? (I'm not gunna lay my problems on you, I don't know you well enough to trust you with them, and I don't want you to think I complain too much.)

- Not much. Just work. You? (I'm not gunna go into detail of the small things, you won't care, and I talk to my real friends about the big things, so I don't want to talk to you about it too.)

- Same. (I don't trust you with the big things.)

END

Anyway... Giulia, if you're reading this, and I hope you are, because otherwise I've made a dick of myself in front of everyone who reads this still.. which consists right now of Katie I think. But, I just want to say that I love you, always will, and I will never forget you, even if you never think about me again.

I wish you both the best of luck, and if it doesn't work out I still hope you have the wonderful life that you deserve.

Goodbye.

P.S. This was a lot more eloquent in the shower, but I came down, got distracted, and forgot everything that I had wanted to say, so sorry that it isn't quite as good as it was meant to be, it was supposed to be about how I'm trying to move on, how I hope you're doing well, how I'm alright if you never want to speak to me again, etc.

Oh well, sometimes things just don't work the way you want them to. Byee.

FYI Rod Stewart used to be a gravedigger... I knew it, but couldn't remember...

Recovering from a slight hangover, and serious lack of sleep, so forgive my usual razor sharp wit being about as dull as any show made in Australia.

I've realised the main difference between JD and scotch. Jack tends to linger... in fact, I can still taste a mixture of it and some girls perfume, which I have no idea where it came from, but it tastes like the stuff that comes in the pink woman shaped bottle.

Anyway, last night was fun, pub quiz wasn't too bad, and even though I fucked up the bonus question I wasn't completely lost with it. And even after that it was a pretty good night, although I regret not getting that girls number before she left, and the less said about the election the better it seems.

I think it was just what I needed though, to kick start the new me, the happier me... it feels weird to be happy, and it's very scary to be, even if people do see me as a cynic and happiness comes at a price, as I've just found out with a bruise on my arm that wasn't there yesterday... But it could be worse. I haven't thought that for a long time, so I guess all that's left is to say to Matty, Bell and Dan cheers for a hell of a night lads, lets do it again soon.

P.S. gunna see Iron Man 2 today, so expect a review. :p

'And I'll paint your grandmothers nails so your grandfather doesn't have to...' - Numb

I have an urge to write something deep and meaningful again, but finding it hard to come up with anything to say.

Truth is this past week I haven't felt a lot of anything. Just numb, apathetic, and hungry. Like Famine is around, hungry for anything... everything... My mind has shut down, I'm running on autopilot, and I hope it stops soon.

In the meantime, I'll find something to inspire me to write more on here. It's been a while, but I'll get back into the swing of it.