Info...

For those of you who don't know there is a reason I haven't updated in a while, and that's because I'm not sure people want to know about the day to day goings on in my life. It's not funny, not interesting and I won't care when reading it back.

However, this blog was created for that very reason originally and it got lost along the way, so a quick recap of my life so far:

- I'm with Katie, a girl I love so much I can't put it down in words and things are pretty serious between us... in fact, she's moving in soon... now for the bad news:

- I'm unemployed and dropped out of uni, so now I have no money at all

- Which brings us to the fact that I am still fighting off the depression on the good days, and losing a lot of the bad days

- My curiosity is still out of control. As is my paranoia. I get curious if I go out about who's doing what online, if I stay in about what I've missed on the days out, if I have an interview I get curious about the other candidates, and their interviews, and so on. I want to know everything there is to know in the world, which is impossible, and I can't seem to accept that. People interest me, maybe too much.

- I've been watching a lot of House lately, and on the bad days I revert to some of his mannerisms, the sarcasm is something I've always been blessed with, but insulting people has never been me.

- I think I'm either too old or too skint to enjoy myself on a night out now, usually both, although the depression may weigh in too. I've decided it's not my style and I don't want to do it anymore for a while. Maybe in a month or so I'll join somebody on their birthday, but it's not my scene right now.

Anyway, that's all from this edition of 'major headaches' stay tuned for more complaints, there will be enough.

Always the last place you look... Who keeps looking when they find it?!?!

Ahhh, this is what a blog should be. A forum for lifes' little annoyances and over opinionated ranting.

It's amazing how blind panic makes you miss things staring you right in the face. Emotion clouds judgement, vision and most importantly the truth.

How many times have you shouted and screamed at somebody for doing something only to realise it was your fault? Or even better, for not doing something only for them to prove they did do it? We all make fools of ourselves that way, and most of us continue to throughout life. And the smugness we feel on the other side of that argument nobody can deny makes you feel almost Godly.

But really it makes no sense for us to be so embarrassed afterwards. What have we lost? A little pride, which is a pointless construct anyway, designed to separate the classes, which is itself an outdated system. And yet what have we gained? We're no longer shouting, panic-stricken and stressed, and we've got whatever it is that needed doing; done, that needed finding; found. So we should thank the other person, not shy away apologising profusely... Although we should apologise for losing it before we thank them. Hell, even being proved wrong about something trivial you said gives you more knowledge.

So, to all those who have proven me wrong, thank you. Unless I don't like you, in which case I'm not sorry I shouted, because you deserved it for some reason, even if it wasn't the one I screamed at you for.

Byee.

We're never so alone as when we're surrounded by people...

I said that to Katie last week, and it is so true.

I have some wonderful friends... some of the best anybody could ever have... and yet there's still things I can't talk to them about. Each of them actually I can talk to about most things, and yet I choose which one to talk to about which subject.

But when it comes to some subjects it's hard for me to open up still, and even if I did there are parts of my life I don't want some of them knowing, or that they won't want to know, you know?

Ergh, I'm rambling... And I don't even know where this is going... just one of those days... fuck it.

Byee.

SBC - Suicide By Crabs

Interesting on the front page of the Sun today... yes, we get the sun, but only for the tv mag, tori shite...

Suicide by prostitute. Interesting, but personally I don't get it, he hung himself in the woods while they taunted him. If it was gunna be suicide by prostitute I'd want my moneys worth, I'd want to do things that would cost the whole bank account... which right now would only get her topless for 20 seconds.... but anyway, I'd have the full package, a line of girls ready to fuck me to death. If I wanted to pay somebody to hang me then I'd hire a hitman, at least they'd make sure you were dead and leave you to be found.

Right, now lets move on from morbidity and sexual deviancy before I get complaints.

I've quit uni now, maybe temporarily, maybe for good, I don't know, I don't have a plan for life, not a clue what I wanna do with myself, no long term career choice... and yet, I have never been happier... I'm free, I can do anything, I can just survive and sort myself out. And it feels amazing.

Anyway, have to go now, dog's going mental and I left dragon age running, byee.

Wit, charm, chrisma... just three of the things I've lost.. oh, and coherency

Hmm.... Pretty sure everyone I know hates me for one reason or another right now. Well, hate is a strong word, they're all pissed off with me... nearly all of them.

I'm finding it hard to care though. I am me, they knew what they signed up for and if they don't like it then fuck em, they don't have to even associate with me. Personally I'm gunna try and turn my life around over the next few weeks, and until I do so I don't even like myself, so you lot sure as hell don't need to.

I want to apologise to you all if I've upset any of you, but at the end of the day I never claimed to be nice... far from it actually, and nobody believed how much of a complete bastard I could be. Bet they do now.

Oh, and sorry this is fractured, but my thoughts aren't exactly clear right now, I'm tired and just recovered from my hangover not long ago. Plus my arm is going dead.

Anyway, lets lighten the mood a little, here's a dancing kitten for you.... only kidding. I think the only way to lighten the mood, other than with sarcasm which apparently hurts more than when I'm being bluntly honest... or honestly blunt... but the only other way to lighten things up is by removing me from the equation.

The depression has hit hard this past week, but I'll be back to my old self in no time I hope... Until then, keep your distance, unless you're willing to let me suck the life out of any convo we have :p

Byee.

Better than he was before. Better. Stronger. Faster....

Sooo... I know I haven't blogged for a while, but I rarely had my laptop, Katie stole it :p

Anyway, for all those who have missed my bitter rants, good news, I'm back with new things to complain about. Watch this space for witty headlines, sarcastic reviews and most importantly misanthropy.

For example, why do people always have to misspell 'you're' as 'your' ... it's not hard, if it means you are then it's you're, and it annoyed me most when I couldn't bring myself to accept that option on dragon age because it was misspelled.... probably my own issues more than the game developers, lets face it everyone makes mistakes and even the most seasoned proof-readers will slip up. Maybe they were all out sick that day, so they brought in janitor Penry to have a look.

I'm aware this is quite short, but I have things to do, so can't waste my entire life pandering to people who rarely get the in-jokes and references to outdated pop culture, and of course sometimes more obscure references.

Byee.

A compilation of thoughts...

I started this before I went away, so forgive some parts, I was a little preoccupied with packing and getting things ready and nerves etc.

You're Just a Beard with an Idiot Hanging off it.

From the right... or wrong.. perspective, honestly becomes cowardice, loyalty becomes narrow-mindedness, niceness becomes naivety, imagination becomes paranoia, and so on... I have always seen both sides, and always been pretty good at turning the positives into negatives, usually in an attempt to put myself down and show to others that I am not this selfless wonderful person they think I am, but am in fact a cruel heartless cowardly bastard who is in it for what he can get. I also turn the negatives into positives too, but that's to show others that they aren't vicious or evil. Hypocritical, I know, but I find it hard to believe that anything I've done has made a difference.

Instant Classics - an Oxymoron.

From the rat pack waaaay back in the forties and fifties, the unbelievable and unstopable power of the Beatles and the Stones in the swinging sixties, prog rock bands like Queen and Floyd in the psychedelic seventies to the power ballads of the enigmatic eighties, music hit its peak in the 20th century, so why is it that nobody has actually tried to revive any of this? I don't understand how people can say anything from this century is an instant classic, because they pale in comparison to the worst of the songs from those previously mentioned categories... As far as I can tell, the most popular songs these days have 5 words in them, on a constant loop, because when people are drunk they can't understand comprehensive lyrics or complex guitar riffs... Fine, when they're out this lot can be good, even I sing along to them at times, but why are they so popular when people are sober? I don't see the appeal other than to reminisce about the nights out, which is fine if it's background noise or just the first 5 seconds which is basically the full song just without the loop...

Auch Aye The News.

Scotland was great, Katie was great.... well, more than great, Katie is amazing, I miss her already, last night felt strange falling asleep without her.... Anyway, maybe I'll write a full blog on it when I feel like it... if I feel like it... but for now lets leave it as I love the girl and move on.

And Now for Something Completely Different.

Giulia is gone, apparently forever, although I don't doubt her stubbornness I am also aware that the old Giulia is still in there trying to apologise and break free from the Giulia I forced her to become through jealousy (mine, not hers) and if that Giulia wins and comes back then maybe I can forgive her. I know that all of you are pretty much screaming 'oh, God, not again' but this is my blog, you don't like it, don't read it. You don't like me, you don't have to talk to me, simple as... Anyway, the Giulia who hurt me recently was not the girl I knew and loved... just a phrase, although I did fall for her, so maybe not.... And the girl I knew was scared of becoming a vicious bitch, kept warning me she'd hurt me because she is the one who feels the guilt.

I'm not saying she's schizo, but that doesn't mean split personalities, just split mind. I'm saying we are all several people, I think I wrote a post on it earlier, and that the one who hurt me is a front, she needs to be cold and cruel to protect herself, the real her, the best friend that I miss and could do with right now really... But that's another story for another time... Basically, I want that Giulia back, but as long as she is with AJ she will always dislike what I have to say as a friend, and be able to pass it off in her mind as just me being jealous again. And now she's burned the bridge, or so she thinks, and is too stubborn to swim across and ask for help to rebuild it, so even if they do break up, when she needs a friend more than anything, she won't come to me... which is a shame, but it's her choice, her life, and I really hope it works for her.

And now, the End is Near...

So that's it... yes, I'm aware Giulia got a lot of time today, but it needed to be said because a lot of my friends don't understand that the girl she became in order to cut me from her life was not the same one who I knew for two years. And how are they meant to know that? They just got a peek in the window, saw her throw a few plates and assumed it was an abusive relationship, then went home, frustrated and threw a plate at me to try and knock some sense into me later... Yeah, pot/kettle is coming into it, being harsh about her to show how she was being harsh to me, it didn't work so well without the full story, and some of the pages can only be found in the dark.

I'll take no shit from her now, and that goes for everybody else too, from now on you don't like me or something I say you can live a long, happy and blissfully ignorant life without me.

I also know that all the juicy Scotland gossip is missing, and I might update you all, or I might just leave it as I enjoyed it and I love my girlfriend... not sure I'm head over heels, walk through fire in love just yet, but she's broken down a lot of barriers and she's surprisingly understanding and patient when it comes to the last few.

And I think that's about everything I needed to say, so byee.