I don't need you to worry for me, 'cause I'm alright...

I'm at a loss as to what to write. My head hurts, I'm tired and my cheeks are aching from the painted smile. I feel like I'm gunna throw up. Oh, and my feet are numb, but that has nothing to do with the depression and everything to do with the big fat heavy dog lying on them.

I'm having a bad day, and the wonderful thing about depression is that nothing even needs to set it off. It just happens. And when it does, even smiling naturally feels forced and faux.

I still think about her. Every second, of ever minute, of every hour, of every day. The only clean and ironed shirt I had the other day was a gift from her. I miss my love, but I also miss my friend. I assume this is what set today off. Even though I'm a lot more active, and my friends have put up with a lot of shit over the past few weeks/ months about this, they're still here, still trying to cheer me up, still being fucking amazing, and yet when times like this come along it's not enough.

I'll be fine tomorrow though.. hopefully. The urge to go bungee-ing without a cord is already fading, and the urge to cry is becoming more due to hayfever than emotion. Self-loathing is still here, but that was a pre-existing condition, simply heightened by the events.

Anyway, I wanted to write an entry for this, dunno why. Also, been wondering for a while how the hell people aren't sick of me by now?

And now lets leave it with the great Billy Joel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sIJcC8zbs