Sorry for the mushy emotional crap.

Just in case I haven't told anybody why I'm dead inside, here it is.

I fell in love, didn't mean to, we spoke for over a year before we realised it was more than just friendship, we dated and she slowly broke down my barriers and yet some of hers still remained in place. She didn't open up, she was too afraid of being hurt, and so she never really invested in us, never gave us a chance.

We realised this after we had broken up, and because she hadn't tried she had no feelings for me when it ended, allowing her to move on and date another guy almost instantly. Once we figured out why we broke up, she learned from her mistakes and is opening up with him, so is falling for him. That hurts.

And now, in an attempt to do what's best for me, she hasn't spoken to me in about a week. She says she will after I've seen a counsellor, but I'm not sure I even want that. If she does come back odds are she won't trust me to talk about her boyfriend or her relationship, and the other big problems that have come up she'll either have dealt with or talked to him in length about so she won't want to repeat it to me. Which means our friendship will consist of smalltalk.

I hate smalltalk. I hate fake people too. I'm honest, genuine and I don't hide things just because it's a little awkward and inconvenient. And to me, smalltalk is an introduction to falsehood.

- Hi

- Hi

- How are you?

- Good, thanks, you? (I'm not good, but I'm not going to tell you that.)

- I'm okay, thanks. What you been up to? (I'm not gunna lay my problems on you, I don't know you well enough to trust you with them, and I don't want you to think I complain too much.)

- Not much. Just work. You? (I'm not gunna go into detail of the small things, you won't care, and I talk to my real friends about the big things, so I don't want to talk to you about it too.)

- Same. (I don't trust you with the big things.)

END

Anyway... Giulia, if you're reading this, and I hope you are, because otherwise I've made a dick of myself in front of everyone who reads this still.. which consists right now of Katie I think. But, I just want to say that I love you, always will, and I will never forget you, even if you never think about me again.

I wish you both the best of luck, and if it doesn't work out I still hope you have the wonderful life that you deserve.

Goodbye.

P.S. This was a lot more eloquent in the shower, but I came down, got distracted, and forgot everything that I had wanted to say, so sorry that it isn't quite as good as it was meant to be, it was supposed to be about how I'm trying to move on, how I hope you're doing well, how I'm alright if you never want to speak to me again, etc.

Oh well, sometimes things just don't work the way you want them to. Byee.

FYI Rod Stewart used to be a gravedigger... I knew it, but couldn't remember...

Recovering from a slight hangover, and serious lack of sleep, so forgive my usual razor sharp wit being about as dull as any show made in Australia.

I've realised the main difference between JD and scotch. Jack tends to linger... in fact, I can still taste a mixture of it and some girls perfume, which I have no idea where it came from, but it tastes like the stuff that comes in the pink woman shaped bottle.

Anyway, last night was fun, pub quiz wasn't too bad, and even though I fucked up the bonus question I wasn't completely lost with it. And even after that it was a pretty good night, although I regret not getting that girls number before she left, and the less said about the election the better it seems.

I think it was just what I needed though, to kick start the new me, the happier me... it feels weird to be happy, and it's very scary to be, even if people do see me as a cynic and happiness comes at a price, as I've just found out with a bruise on my arm that wasn't there yesterday... But it could be worse. I haven't thought that for a long time, so I guess all that's left is to say to Matty, Bell and Dan cheers for a hell of a night lads, lets do it again soon.

P.S. gunna see Iron Man 2 today, so expect a review. :p

'And I'll paint your grandmothers nails so your grandfather doesn't have to...' - Numb

I have an urge to write something deep and meaningful again, but finding it hard to come up with anything to say.

Truth is this past week I haven't felt a lot of anything. Just numb, apathetic, and hungry. Like Famine is around, hungry for anything... everything... My mind has shut down, I'm running on autopilot, and I hope it stops soon.

In the meantime, I'll find something to inspire me to write more on here. It's been a while, but I'll get back into the swing of it.

Election fever has swept the nation... wonder if H1N1 helps with that too...

Since the election is drawing to a close, I thought I'd offer my opinion of the candidates.

It seems that most people are voting for the Lib Dems, and that's better than the Tories, but personally I think that it has become less about policies and more about popularity. I have to admit, I couldn't tell you half the policies, but I have a general level of info about each.

Now for the fun part, the opinion of the party leaders.

Firstly, Gordon Brown, a man who is currently in charge and, as far as I can tell, too busy running the country to be a media whore like Cameron and Clegg. I'm surprised he's had time for half of the shows he's actually done, but not surprised that he hasn't had a lot of change to go out campaigning. The country is in trouble, the parties are united on that, and Brown is trying to fix it, but not promising he can make everything alright overnight at least.

Clegg. This is a man who, until a week ago I didn't even know existed. Last time I checked Ming Campbell was in charge. At least with him I wouldn't mind the Lib Dems running the country, he'd not even realise he was in charge so can't have used it for his own reasons, which I'm sure Nick Clegg has ulterior motives, he's just so well hidden not to. Plus, Ming would've been dead from shock if they ever got into power, so his policies were at least meant to serve others. And to top it all, he was easily recognisable... admittedly because he looked like the Crypt Keepers Great Grandfather, sat in a comfy chair waiting for his relatives to visit, but still... If I walked past the generic looking Clegg in the street I wouldn't even notice. Plus he is sooooo smarmy that he's basically Cameron lite.

Finally, David Cameron, the illegitimate love child of Maggie Thatcher and Michael Winner. He oozes upper class, arrogance, pretentiousness and a false sense of superiority. He oozes in general. This is a man who has sunk so low that he actually uses the death of his son for a sympathy vote. I really don't like the man, so I'll end this here in order to save my energy for something more useful.

So those are my opinions, you're not only choosing policies and parties, you're choosing a single man to be the face of this country, which would you rather have represent you? I know who I'm backing.

Everybody likes to try new flavours, but we all have favourites we'd prefer constantly....

Where the inspiration for most of my blogs comes from, this was sparked by House.

Open marriages... not such a bad idea. However, I find them dubious.

An open relationship I can get behind, sex is sex, it is possible to separate that as a physical act which doesn't require intimacy or emotion. Easy for some people, not for everyone, so it would only work in some cases. We all like to have a best friend who is there for us, someone we can tell every detail to and not feel judged, somebody who will hold us close when we need it and just talk or spend time with them the rest of the time. But if we need rough hard meaningless no strings sex where we can ask for exactly what we want even if we could with our partner, it wouldn't be the same. To use a rather extreme example, if you like to be whipped brutally and your partner either isn't into it or isn't very good at it, then it hurts more to lie and stay with them and keep it up because the truth will come out, and the longer it takes the worse it will be.

However, with marriage it's a different matter. I know, I'm a romantic at heart, so sue me. But marriage is something else entirely. It is supposed to involve love between both parties, relationships don't guarantee that... neither does marriage, unfortunately, but it should.

If it's just a case of you like each other, you enjoy spending time with each other and you have fun together, then fool around as much as you like, just be careful nobody you're sleeping with (including your boyfriend/ girlfriend) falls any deeper for you than you have for them. That's not easy, but if you fuck up then at least you get to learn from your mistakes that open relationships either aren't for you or that you need to find somebody more suitable if it's ever gunna happen again.

But when dealing with love, a major problem occurs. If you both love each other but your sex life isn't as great as you want it and it can't be improved for whatever reason, then that's fine, but still no open marriages. Love, on either side or both, will cause jealousy. Even in the most laid back, secure and confident people love creates jealousy. So when you want to fool around, if you're in love, you will hold back, because if you think about it from the other perspective, how would you feel if they were sleeping with somebody else?

Yes, if you love them you should trust them, give them permission to do it, but it will eat away at you inside, which will show and that will cause arguments unless you are honest about it, and if you do that then they will get sick of hearing it and that will cause arguments too... so it will ruin your relationship in the long run.

If you love them, don't let them go, if they love you then you're all they need. And if you're worried they're cheating secretly, bring up the subject to trick them and invest in a chastity belt just in case :p