Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends...

Today is going to be hell.

I get to look forward to a full day with people I can't stand in a place I don't know, and watch them pretend to like each other and me.

The things I do for my mates.... I hope Mawston appreciates this, :p happy birthday mate... if you read this, which I dunno if you do or not.

To the rest of you:

Expect a bitter and twisted post, either tonight or tomorrow.

Enjoy.

Why do people want to stay friends with ex's? It gets complicated...

There are a million thoughts running through my mind right now. Why the hell can't I switch off?

What am I gunna do? Alright, here's the deal, I'm still looking forward to going to Canada at some point over the next year... I want to see that most beautiful of sights.... oh, and Niagara falls too :p

End of the day, she's still my best friend, and I want to meet her face to face, to see if we have the same rapport in person. It'll be a little awkward at first, but once that's out the way the real us will take over.

The problem is, I'm still in love with her. That's not much of a problem, but it does leave the potential for some. I don't want to win her back, it'd never work between us.

What do you lot think I should do? I'll listen to your advice, take it on board and come to my own conclusions, so don't worry, your advice, while appreciated, will not sway me 1 way or the other without my own considerations.

I look forward to hearing the .... 2 opinions I'll get for this :p

Byee.

Challange accepted...

Watching the HIMYM ep with the Murtaugh list on. Love it.

Got me thinking... I won't write one of my own, but I need to do some of these things.

Number 1 on the list - all-nighter in which I watch all 4 Lethal Weapons... and if there's time, Die Hards too... I haven't been able to pull an all-nighter properly for a few years, I used to blame that on alcohol making me tired, but even sober I can't do it... I'm getting too old for this shit... but I will fucking do it :p

Wish me luck.

Note to self....

Okay... what's on my mind right now? Oh so much, but here are a few things on there right now that I cba to go into detail about right now, and therefore will write here so I don't forget to talk about a couple of them later.

- Nightmare on Elm St. remake, really pisses me off.

- WB taking of TT Lego games, meaning there is now 0 chance of them releasing a Lego LOTR.

- This crazy Scottish lass who keeps blaming everything on her being Scottish and nothing on the fact she's really just a psycho :p

- Doctor Who box sets being so expensive.

- My DVD obsession.

- Allons-y

- God it's cold!

And finally, I wonder just how long before I get shouted at for 'not fighting the depression, you're giving in, it hurts me to see it, I'm only trying to help you...' all because I like staying in my room when stuck in the house.

Byee.

Regrets. I've had a few. But then again; too few to mention.

I have a question. If you could change anything in your past, would you?

I honestyly wouldn't. I've got my fair share of regrets, and I'd love to change a lot of things about me, but at the end of the day I like me, and I am the sum of my experiences.

I'm not going into the nature/ nurture debate, I'm still on the fence, but we do change throughout life depending on our environment.

Really what it comes down to is the forgetting pill. This is a drug that can be administered after trauma to help the individual forget it ever happened. Now, I have to say I'm not against it, in some cases it's the best thing for a person. But I know some people who have faced certain traumas of their own, and it has made them better stronger people.

Basically, I wouldn't like to forget anything about my past, no matter how shameful, embarrassing or awkward, because it has shaped who I am, and I like me, not a whole lot of people do, but I'm content with who I am, so fuck em. :p

My dirty little secret (not anymore)

Ok, first, I want you all to know that I am not proud of this.

As some of you know I was in a relationship with, in my eyes, the most perfect girl in the world. I knew then as I do now that things would never have worked out, long distance internet relationships... not many people can say they met like that and are still together. But, fool that I am I fell in love with the girl. I know many of you are saying 'bullshit, how can you love somebody over the internet? you don't even know them.' Well, it's simple... I fell in love with everything about her. She was, and still is, perfectly imperfect. And that's not gunna change any time soon.

Anyway, recently... about a month ago now.. she left me for another guy. I'm dealing with it pretty well considering, but here's the thing... every time she stays out til after 10, which is like 3am here so I'm usually a little tired and my brain has gone to sleep, which makes me more paranoid and insane. But when that happens my mind is filled with thoughts... it starts at like 8, depending on how long she's been out, and goes something like 'what have they been doing all this time? she's gotta be back soon, right? I mean, who can sit around doing nothing much and just talking for that long without it leading to something?'

I told you I'm ashamed of it, I mean they're dating ffs, ofc there's gunna be things happening and they'll be able to spend long nights just talking... and I wish I could flick a switch and it'd be alright, but that's not the case. I'm happy for her, I really am, she's happier than she has been since.... ever... and that includes when she was with me.... I'm glad she's found someone, but a part of my mind still wants her.

Maybe it was a mistake to remain good friends with an ex, everybody says that, but I'm not gunna lose out on one of my best mates just because I can't keep my emotions from getting in the way.

Alright, this post is getting a bit long and I can hear the replies now, God help me, but I said I was gunna bare all, and I did... not literally, but if you're up for a game of strip poker then you know where to find me ;p

A liberation broadcast....

Ok, here goes, something real from the heart not via the head... This is harder than I thought it would be.

I've always thought I'm something of an open book, and people have said I'm easy to read, but it's actually very difficult for me to open up... especially when this fucking shit is on in the background. Reckless love - Beautiful bomb... they look like they're a whitesnake tribute act, but sound like every other fucking new band out there.... Kerrang! and rock has gone downhill this past year....

Anyway, I've gone off track... but while doing so two different people have complimented me on my writing style and ability... and that got me thinking. I've always been gifted with words, and I love the English language, it's so unusual. I mean, the best example I can think of this is anything written by Ronnie Barker, the man was a genius when it came to hidden meanings. Four candles/ fork 'andles was incredible, and still amazes me today.

Another thing I try with my writing is humour. Who wants to read 8 or 9 paragraphs without smiling once? Plus, whenever emotion is involved I use sarcasm as a defence mechanism, as many people do. This makes it easier to throw in a joke here and there when things become too serious, I've had a lot of practice... and more than one black eye to prove it :p

But really, in the end, all it comes down to is inspiration. When I am inspired enough to have an opinion I find it very easy to put it across... on paper or online... in person I'm a wreck, I start talking, forget what I'm saying, get confused about how to describe something or what word I want to use and the whole thing falls apart. Yet, when I take the time and think about what I'm saying I have the charisma and wit of Oscar Wilde.... without the unusual sexual activities.... although maybe I'd have been locked up back then for some of mine, hard to say, they frowned on homosexuality, but nobody mentions heterosexuals with a taste for BDSM.... I suppose I'd not have been chained up anyway for it, because I'd just enjoy it :p

I'll stop now, because this is getting away from me... I'll leave you with one final thought - I'm a fucking coward, and if I can come on here and write almost daily about things I'm ashamed to say aloud, things that I don't quite undrstand, and to post my ignorances throughout cyberspace, why can't you?

Emotion... it's what seperates us from the Daleks.

Today I got an insight into a real blog.

It was full of raw emotion, untampered by logic, it wasn't held back, it was just an insight into her mind.... and it was amazing.

And now, I'm ready to tell you all my thoughts, because a blog can be a thing of beauty as well as a place to rant.

I'll see you around.

Here's looking at you, kid...

Ok, so I've been told that I'm a hypocrite.. and I agree.

I am a lot of things, rarely proud of them, often ashamed in fact... and if I'm writing this blog for me then I have 1 very important thing to say.

I'm not making this private, but I do warn a lot of you not to read it, you'll probly find out things that nobody should know about me, but I'm sick of hiding who I really am just to be liked. Hell, there are 3 or 4 of you who read this (occasionally) who know part of the real me, if not all of it, and it hasn't stopped you being my friend.... maybe stopped you shaking my hand :p but that's beside the point.

Giulia, you know everything about me already pretty much, and you still talk to me... of course, you have no choice.

Jim, you know I'm into kinky stuff, and I haven't told you what it is, don't plan to either, but you might end up reading about it on here.

And Meaghan. Well, what can I say? You know of my fondness for strip poker, my insane rantings about heartbreak and how pointless love is, my unnatural obsession with trying to see 90% of the girls I know naked... that's never gunna happen, but it's fun to try.... and most importantly you know when I'm being a complete idiot and you actually tell me.

And I'd like to thank those 3 specifically because, after all is said and done, each of them has been there for me when I've needed someone, and they haven't let me down yet. So this is for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiQzUEc_FmI




P.S. I like the golden girls! I'm not ashamed to admit that!

Please keep arms and legs inside at all times...

Welcome to Boshers' mind... where does the apostrophe go there? how do you spell apostrophe? These and more questions will remain unanswered in the next few mins.

If you'll look to your left you'll see the narcisism, checking its' reflection in the window. And there, standing in its' shadow is the inferiority complex. I would like to remind you that there is no flash photography as this has been known to scare some of the insecurities and confuse what little logic remains.

Now if you'll follow me, we've got a special treat lined up. In this room, be very careful, very quiet and don't step on anything, because this here is the most important part of this particular mind. That's right, the sarcasm switch. I understand some of you may be wondering why there are cobwebs on here, well that's because we don't even let the cleaners touch this in case they break it. It has stayed on for almost 18-20 years, nobody is certain as the archeologists have all been focused on dinosaurs and Indiana Jones since he was about 4.

Anyway, moving on... as you can see we have a cinema showing Carry On films, Star Wars' greatest lightsaber battles, and the widest and weirdest collection of porn currently known to man. And here we go into the gallery, with photos, paintings and sculptures of some of the heroes that have inspired him. Dave Grohl, Ronnie Barker, David Jason, Anthony Hopkins, and you can see the rest should you choose to on a full list to be published at a later date.

Finally, here.... is the little shop. This is where the tour ends, feel free to puruse at your own lesuire and don't forget to leave a tip.

No-thing's-al-right, no-thing-is-fine!

Hopefully most of you will recognise the lyrics to Papa Roach - Last Resort. Why? Because that's what I seem to be.

It seems that not a single conversation can go by without people saying the words 'I'm so bored' or 'I wish .... was here' ... All I can say is it's nice to be wanted.

I know I have no life, and that many of you think of me as backup for when your original plans fall through. And it's for that very reason I'm writing this. You may feel you're doing me a kindness by talking to me when you have nobody else, but really, all you're doing is pissing me off.

So here's the deal - don't even say hi to me unless you want to talk specifically to me, coz I sure as hell won't say hi to any of you even out of boredom.


That's all for now.



P.S. Told you I wasn't gunna hold back :p

I think I may have ruined this blog...

I just realised after talking to Jim that I have betrayed this blog and myself.

This was meant to be a way to organise my inner thoughts, and I'm censoring it... why? I'm too embarassed or ashamed or cowardly to admit these things to other people, but this blog was a way for me to admit it to myself.

And I've realised now that I'm simply ranting on here instead of doing what I intended, which is unusual because I have always been proud of the fact that I just don't care what people think of me... hell, I am unlikable, I must be, three people came out for my 19th birthday last year, and I had a poker game and two nights out to celebrate it ffs. I couldn't give a shit what a load of people who refuse to tolerate me unless they can get what they want think of me, so why should I care about the few people who are bored enough to actually read my blog think of me?

So starting now this is my real mind, no holds barred. Enjoy, and sorry in advance for insults and overshare :p

Byee



Oh, and Jim, you busy tomorrow?

The road to nowhere...

I don't know if anybody else has seen them, but the Alan Bennet tv show 'talking heads' ... I've only seen a few episodes, what I can catch here n there, but they are well worth a watch. They are monologues, delivered by some of the best known British actors and actresses, and they are so powerful, so dramatic, so much melancholoy, that each episode can tug at even the stoniest hearts and make you empathise with each individual character, reguardless of if you agree with them or not.

Pure televised gold, and the emotion portrayed by each actor shows you why they are so famous.

Fabulously written, beautifully portrayed, and as poignant today as they were when they were first written and broadcast. Watch them, you won't regret it... and if you do, who the hell cares, what are you listening to me for in the first place? :p

TTYL.

So you wrote a crappy play and you were molested.... welcome to the theatre.

I would like to start by saying that despite David leaving, I'm loving the new Doctor Who. Matt Smith is doing an incredible job of it, unfortunately he is still being judged by his predecessors, meaning he has to work... eleven times as hard to be considered even close.

If you stand back, ignore all that has come before and treat this like something brand new... allbeit with references like last night to previous stories.... then I am sure you will love it. Especially the gorgeous 22-year-old Scottish redhead that is Amy Pond :p Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic... the point I was trying to make was that I am genuinely excited, looking forward to and can't wait for the new eps each Saturday, for the first time since.... Well, it's been so long since this has happened that I haven't got a clue which show it was.

And now I'm rambling, so let me end by saying keep it up, and show your support!

byee.