Ok, first, I want you all to know that I am not proud of this.
As some of you know I was in a relationship with, in my eyes, the most perfect girl in the world. I knew then as I do now that things would never have worked out, long distance internet relationships... not many people can say they met like that and are still together. But, fool that I am I fell in love with the girl. I know many of you are saying 'bullshit, how can you love somebody over the internet? you don't even know them.' Well, it's simple... I fell in love with everything about her. She was, and still is, perfectly imperfect. And that's not gunna change any time soon.
Anyway, recently... about a month ago now.. she left me for another guy. I'm dealing with it pretty well considering, but here's the thing... every time she stays out til after 10, which is like 3am here so I'm usually a little tired and my brain has gone to sleep, which makes me more paranoid and insane. But when that happens my mind is filled with thoughts... it starts at like 8, depending on how long she's been out, and goes something like 'what have they been doing all this time? she's gotta be back soon, right? I mean, who can sit around doing nothing much and just talking for that long without it leading to something?'
I told you I'm ashamed of it, I mean they're dating ffs, ofc there's gunna be things happening and they'll be able to spend long nights just talking... and I wish I could flick a switch and it'd be alright, but that's not the case. I'm happy for her, I really am, she's happier than she has been since.... ever... and that includes when she was with me.... I'm glad she's found someone, but a part of my mind still wants her.
Maybe it was a mistake to remain good friends with an ex, everybody says that, but I'm not gunna lose out on one of my best mates just because I can't keep my emotions from getting in the way.
Alright, this post is getting a bit long and I can hear the replies now, God help me, but I said I was gunna bare all, and I did... not literally, but if you're up for a game of strip poker then you know where to find me ;p
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